i must be dreaming

Fair enough: you coming over every time I cry over the girl with sun spilling from her just to give me adoring flowers I’ll leave on the floor. Me giving you false hopes just so you’ll come over the next time… and the next. Us playing around just because you need time out of the house and I need a family for once. It’s all fair enough.

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You run your hands through your hair again and again. The air around us feels so light to me. I can already imagine the day your hands and words will grow cold and fall away from me, but for just a second, I let myself believe I see her in you… and I let your light wash over me.

if you would just drop the pretence

you’d realize we’ve fallen asleep

in your heart too many times

with your eyelashes too close to mine

and the sun over us

like a god who loves us

so for a split second

it feels like the thousands of miles

in between us no longer existed

and your hands are clean and free

and my head’s full of genuine glee

for the slightest second

I swear our lives were in place

and you could never be replaced

you’re playing love with my mind

but I don’t mind it one bit at all

you say nothing here will break

but your heart’s clearly in pieces

fallen like flowers on the floor

I’m sorry I can’t miss you quite as much

In another screening we would have continued even though the credits were already rolling. The curtains would close and the crowds would leave but you would still be there stroking my palms and those strings you adored so much. You’d go off playing whatever sheet music you had with you with so much charm I wouldn’t mind even though it could be such a bore. You’d match your singing to the sound of the rain inside my head before we lost the feeling between us. In another screening, you get scolded when the nurse in blue catches you with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth next to your mother who’s crying in bed. I’m so sorry she remembers me but never you. It must be nine in the afternoon again with both our heads lowered in respect for the dead. How the hell did we end up like this? I fell in love the moment we kissed, since then we’ve been history. We’ll never have the same time we used to have and our hearts will never keep in time again. Your forever could be all I need. You could be all I need, don’t you see that? The way that we are is the reason I stay. We are what my best dreams are made of.

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Your acts are changing again and I can’t keep up. I never seem to please you. You tell me not to cry because you know I’m trying my hardest but I can’t help it at all. The crowds have gone and the curtains have fallen. Could we still pick up from wherever we left off? I’m really a waste of chances. All because I like you just the way you are and you like me just the way I’m not. I know your heart is shut but you don’t even know what love could do to us. Do you even want to see my face again?

7 long years have come to pass

yet you’re still so alive in my daydreams

I’ve let all that we were become dust

just to set my downcast eyes agleam

you’d be surprised the one I came to really love

was no longer myself, or the god from home

I think she came from hell above

just to fool me into thinking I’ve actually grown

how disappointed you would be

to know I set my lungs on fire

all because I couldn’t feel worthy

in the eyes of the one I admired

how sad you would have been

to hear him say my name

with so much honest feeling

words so cold with blame

how unsurprised you would have felt

at how his words could never match up to hers;

at how the sun still so soundly slept

even when he loved me for years

how reckless you would have thought I am

to fall for another just like her

someone with a light so damn godly

but so very undeserving for one like me

I wish you were still back home to tell me how it must have all felt to feel truly loved by someone who knows your name but still says it with genuine love. I hope wherever you are, you know I’ll keep my end of the promise to feel as little as I can until someone like you comes along. You’ve made me grown terribly cold in the heart and eyes, so much that I cannot unsee you whenever I find another with words like yours. We should have known better to let go sooner, when we knew we were destined to explode like this all along. I miss you every single way; we said forever but forever couldn’t wait for us.

Wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were here wish you were back here wish you were here wish you were here. Wish I could be home with you wish you were still home

You make me feel God in ways I cannot explain.

You make me almost unafraid.