i must be dreaming

I guess you’re right again, no one will truly love me as I am, and no one will stay for the little that I am

141116

one day the time may come

I’ll take you for your word

that this town lost to time

will never be forgotten in our minds

those lazy Sunday afternoons

we once started with paint in the stairway

goodbyes at your front door and

glass shards from the endless fights

in a few years these memories

of entangled limbs and wake up calls

would yield to the pressing matters

of the present we’ll love then

you will lose your distinct edge,

and our hands will no longer fit

I’ll grow out of my need to call every night

maybe we’ll learn to love by then

perhaps in a different time,

we wouldn’t have met so battle-worn

I wouldn’t have to take the fall

and you could have left in peace

perhaps in another universe,

we wouldn’t need to sleep at the door

ready to step out whenever things got hard

perhaps it could have all been salvaged

in a different time

violentwavesofemotion:

“Some of us are so obsessed with the past that we die of it. The past for some people has such a hold and such a beauty.”

Louise Bourgeois, from a diary entry dated c. August 1978 (x)

(via violentwavesofemotion-deactivat)

Missed you like mad until I remembered all the things you tried to hide away, your unspoken apologies and the constant pressure that used to hang over us and suddenly it seems like nothing now is quite as bad

Keep me in the frame, I’ll continue to take your hand

I’m only acting like the way you do just to see you live

I know you bite your brain and peel at your skin

For all the wrong words you can’t help but say

Love, don’t worry, nothing here will break just yet

I heard my shoes are still with your sister

And she thinks I should come over for dinner

You should take me out of the frame now

If you think you’ve finally found god again

You tell me about the girl with dinosaurs for socks

She wears her heart on those sleeves she only wears

Because her arms are a mirror of yours

And no one likes to see scarred up arms

Maybe it was a masterpiece before you tore it all up

You call me up again just to change your mind,

Mail back my things and walk home alone

Some days I hear the light in your singing

I hope you’ll be alright if I’m alright without you now 

Lay it all out, I’m tired of this and it’s starting to rain

You’re washing the ceramic cups while you’re angry again

Think I might go sick from this

but you know I’ll still love you

We’re in your hazy and godforsaken library again

Your knuckles unwind and hit the keys

But nothing here sounds quite the same

You take my hands into yours and apologise for the trouble

Like you breaking the glass was a small inconvenience

And these doors could be replaced overnight

There is no convincing me the glass here is half-full

When they’ve already been smashed into smithereens

I know you hate it when I bring her up

So you turn to your strings

and whatever morphine you have left

I’ve overgrown gardens of sorrow

In all the places you’ve hurt me in

I swear this is the last morning I run back to her

And reach for memories so cold and long gone

You only sigh, turn away and face your scores

Trying not to be ingrained in every part of my anatomy

So you’ll never have to take the blame for this

I can hear you crying in all the different tongues you know

But everything always gets lost in translation

(We should talk)

There she goes again,

tracing notes into the creases in elbows

Fingers so fleetingly gentle

It makes the light drown all your senses

We hurt in unison, skin on skin,

Until the bruising stains even the skies

This is what she thinks is salvation…

But love, those lungs won’t be alive for long

It’s the second time we’re here and the punches I throw

Unravel my knuckles whenever they reach your skin

Pray tell, I want to know how much of this you remember

As you take him in hand and kiss the creases out of his forehead

It’s been easier to put another on my mind

But if you don’t mind, could you call again

just to check on me and make things easier?

Everyone here knows but not what to say

It seems like I miss you in every single way

I’ve been swallowing the ache like pills in blue

Falling into a mouth that never reminds me of you

Hands growing softer into palms unlike yours

The light still comes so easy when you come to mind

but I’ve found a half-home in another’s hands

I think the morning is finally here in my head

After years of finding dissonance in your promises

and picking your drunken calls up at 4am

I’m starting to be able to tell the time

even if your face isn’t the one that’s here

A child suicide in the states

makes the paper seven states away

and from a million miles away,

makes his only friends cry

Long candle lit nights at the tennis court

staring at letters filled with empty comfort

hoping god would show up with him in hand

but if even so, he’d have come empty-handed

An almost suicide right here in town

takes one to realize which friends show up

only when you’re halfway to heaven (or hell lol)

hoping to be forgiven by your mother

It was a Friday, fraught with sorrow

I know you wished for more than this

but I had wished for more than you

and I think I’m finally getting it

It is a Monday, bursting with light

and colours unheard of, all over

perhaps you’d be happier with someone else

but maybe I need you more than I’d admit

“It’s raining inside my heart and I don’t know how to let you in without the flood breaking through and drowning you”